Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
