we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
