I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
