I'm going to jail i love you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
