If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
