Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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