I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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