He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
In America we eat man semen.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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