Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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