If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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