I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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