you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize