my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish i was in the wii world.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There's always time for handjobs
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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