I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
