Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize