I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize