I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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