Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
