i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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