Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize