am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
