After last night, I could never be a politician.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
