"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
