Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
