my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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