i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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