I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
