At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
