I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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