So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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