I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
