it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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