I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
