Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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