hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize