im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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