The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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