shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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