She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
