peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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