I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
