Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
