Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
