Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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