God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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