Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
