We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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