Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
