I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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