im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize