Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
