Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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