If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
