There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
