She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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