HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
it glows. i had to have it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
