it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
