do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
