I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
