i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize