last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
