so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
