She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
