Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
