she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
