so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm getting married
To pizza
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
