Her vagina should come with caution tape.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
