she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
