I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
