Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
PANTIES FOUND
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
